“By the twelfth day of Christmas my true love had sent to me:

12 mangy ex circus fleas attempting to bounce on an old drum
11 bag pipers, out of tune. Well 10 pipers and one speciality chicken squeezer.
10 blocks of lard. Apparently he couldn’t fit the lords in a box.
9 ladybirds doing the river dance in cowboy outfits or something like that.
8 maids frantically milking one poor cow.
7 swans in watery disarray.
6 geese to lay me a drive (which wasn’t even but quite useful)
5 unusual gold braclets.
4 holes in a pie I think should have been game pie.
3 drunk hens in fancy dress.
2 mutant ninja pigeons
And
A partridge held hostage in a tree.

So, on the thirteenth day, as a loving surprise, i sent him a huge trumping mouse in a box. See how he likes it.”