“On the first day of Christmas I woke up and I’d lost me nose ring. On the second day of Christmas the same thing happened. On the third day when I woke up and the ring was again gone I was decidedly fed up. Now on the fifth day I’m five nose rings down and as angry as can be I can tell thee. I have no idea who is taking them all but I’m not made of money you know.

I reckon it’s because I use gold nose rings. Well, I’ll tell ye what, they’re goin to be brass from now on. They’re not getting another.”